Couples or individuals experiencing difficult times or frustrating setbacks in their intimate relationships might find the approach of Lismore’s new counselling practice, CoupleWorks, refreshing. Its principal, Monika Boenigk, successfully ran her counselling practice in Newcastle for a number of years, but she has followed the call of the Far North Coast and recently relocated to its magical Hinterland. Monika studied Social Pedagogy in Germany before training and working as a holistic midwifery practitioner in Germany and Australia for over 20 years. She holds a Diploma in Couple Therapy.

Monika gives an overview of her approach to counselling:

Monika Boenigk RN CM CNS Childbirth Educator Grad Dip Couple Therapy

My work as midwife provided me with deep insight into the workings of relationships, especially as the couple is being challenged by the inevitable adjustments during the childbearing years. It awakened my curiosity about couple dynamics and motivated me to look for realistic and practical solutions to some of the avoidable pitfalls.

I was fortunate to have been mentored by excellent teachers during my interesting and comprehensive studies with Relationships Australia in Newcastle and Sydney.

During my training, I read with great interest books by theologist, psychologist and experienced marriage therapist Harville Hendrix from the States, and found his Imago Therapy of particular relevance to couples in strife. The Imago model helps to make the connection between past childhood experiences and current relationship patterns and explains why we are often attracted to partners who affect us in similar ways as influential people did during our childhood.

I find that couples often develop a circular pattern of behaviour with each other, locking them into a repetitive “dance around a theme” and making it difficult for either of them to change. When we work together, we seek to discover those patterns, discuss the individual motivations behind them and identify the consequences for the relationship dialogue. This helps to interrupt the corrosive process and introduces a “variation to the dance”.

Once the individuals learn to recognize and own their projective responses, the couple is able to negotiate the real issues in the relationship more fairly, respectfully and productively. Now is the time to refine their relationship vision and to re-learn some playful romance!

The Imago influence, blended with my experience as midwife and training as therapist, has over the years shaped a model of practice to which couples respond well and in which they are able to work effectively to achieve results. I have seen couples and individuals from all walks of life, but professional couples in particular seem to appreciate working with this approach.

A session plan typically lasts approximately three months. It includes reflective listening exercises, educational components and short home assignments for the couple.

My approach to counselling is practical, grounded and no-nonsense. It offers benefits not only for intimate relationships but also for parenting, friendships and work. I give 120% of myself and expect in return motivated couples, willing to engage and be challenged.

Monika Boenigk